


Why

by Shugo_Ookami



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, M/M, trying to console a friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-03-25 20:06:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3823105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shugo_Ookami/pseuds/Shugo_Ookami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a while since she saved Thedas from Corypheus and while she's till busy, the Inquisitor is still trying to get over the one thing she can't seem to save herself from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cole

**Author's Note:**

> Gift fic/birthday fic for my lovely roommate about her Inquisitor Caerye Lavellan.  
> Caerye is pronounced as "Kai-air"

It was months after the battle with Corypheus and everything had finally settled back down. People left. People showed up. Honestly, a lot more had shown up than left. And some of them stayed. A few of the Inner Circle had left but would always return. Vivienne would disappear only to reappear a week later with some new Orlesian treats or furniture or some sort of decorative item for Skyhold. Dorian left for Tevinter but returned not long afterwards, something about his old homeland not feeling quite right with how quiet his home was. Varric went to Kirkwall with Cole at one point and both returned happily after only a month of their leaving. 

But there was someone who had disappeared and had yet to return. And Caerye knew he wasn’t going to return. After everything they had been through. The love they shared for each other. The fun they had. It was like none of that had even mattered to him. Each day, she got up and almost went into a trance to get through the day doing her Inquisitor duties with judging, appearances and making sure the world was on the right track to healing. But it felt empty. She no longer smiled as much as she used to. Her jokes and happy laughter no longer rang through the main hall in Skyhold late into the night. Wicked Grace in the tavern had a small cloud hanging over it every week even with Varric trying his hardest to keep everyone smiling and happy. Even Cole tried. But they all knew. Their Inquisitor. Their FRIEND. Was suffering and no one knew what to do. Or how to help. 

It was Cole who went to her first. The only one who could hear what was going on with her. And it was Cole who managed to get her to talk. He could hear her cries from quite the distance and it wasn’t until he finally found her that he noticed she didn’t actually have any tears rolling down her face like he was expecting. “You miss him.” He whispered, treading softly over to her. She had hidden herself up in one of the towers that she had told everyone to stay away from in fear of it collapsing. And no one questioned it. But now he knew why.

At first, Caerye didn’t respond before she nodded and shook slightly. If Cole hadn’t been staring at his closely, he wouldn’t have noticed but he did and he moved closer. Without really knowing what he was doing, Cole wrapped his arms around the woman and held her gently. That was when the tears started. She was silent in her crying but he could hear the screams coming from within. He hated Solas for leaving her like this. She was heart broken and hurt. And no words could soothe this kind of pain. 

“What?” Cole asked, tilting his head slightly. She had said something but he was so lost in his own mind he hadn’t heard his friend’s words. He was supposed to be paying attention to her and he wasn’t doing a great job of it already.

“He…he never said goodbye.” Caerye whispered, shuddering before sucking in a slow breath. “He just left. No goodbye. He was there and suddenly…”

“Gone.” Cole said, nodding slightly as he tightened his hold on her. His hat was knocked askew but right now, he honestly didn’t care. He was more worried about Caerye. She was always seen as so stoic and powerful. To see her so broken down and unguarded was painful. He felt her nod against his shoulder and he sighed softly. 

“He hasn’t contacted anyone. Leliana can’t even find him. I didn’t think it was even possible for her to NOT find someone she’s set out to find. It’s…It’s almost like he doesn’t want anyone to find him…Why? Where did he go? Why did he leave? Why didn’t he at least say goodbye…” Caerye whispered, almost frantically. It hurt her a lot more than she was willing to admit. They literally had been talking just moments prior to her turning to make sure everyone was okay and alive and when she turned back around to see if he was behind her. He wasn’t. He was just. Gone.

“I…I want to help you but this…I don’t think I can fix this hurt.”

“I don’t think anyone can, Cole.” Caerye murmured, moving her arms to hold onto the young man. “But thank you.” She said, pulling his head away from his shoulder to look at him. The pain was still there but there was a sign of happiness hidden there. The first sign Cole had seen from the elven woman in almost a year. “I’m sorry for any worry I’ve caused any of you-“

“They are worried about you but they understand. They want to help too but they aren’t sure what to do. Just like me. We want you to smile again. But if it takes time to see that smile again…We are here for you, Caerye.” Cole said, his tone going from that quiet breathy tone to a more firm and gentle quality. 

Eyes widening, Caerye could only stare at the man owlishly. She had never heard him say her name in front of her. New tears sprung to her eyes and before she could say or do anything, they spilled down her cheeks swiftly. She saw the panicked look on Cole’s face before the understanding crossed over him. Wiping at her eyes quickly, Caerye smiled sadly at him. “Thank you. I don’t know when I’ll be whole again but if it wasn’t for you guys, I don’t know what would have happened to me after the battle. Please tell them that. And to not drink so much. I need a few of them to go with me to a meeting tomorrow.” She pulled away fully from Cole before she stopped and stepped closer, pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you.” She whispered before letting go of him again and headed to the door to head towards her chambers to hide away for the rest of the night.


	2. Dorian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian tries his hand and helping Caerye.

It was Dorian who got to her second. Well, as best as he could. She was starting to appear more frequently in the rotunda when she used to avoid it as much as she possibly could. It got to the point where she would send someone else to come get books from him for her or he could personally go to bring her some books. But here she was. It was nowhere near daybreak and it looked like she hadn’t gone to sleep yet. Then again, neither had he but that was typical of him. Always researching and studying. But to see the Inquisitor so disheveled, her blonde hair that was always up in that ridiculous braid of her was tumbled down around her shoulders. And even in the horribly dim light from the lanterns in the small library, Dorian could see the dark circles under her eyes. He watched her for a while, surprised that she hadn’t noticed he was there when she was always the one surprising him by appearing around the shelves silently. She was staring at the spines intently without really looking at them and taking in what they were titled. It was when she leaned forward and pressed her forehead to one of the books when Dorian finally caved and moved over to her. 

“That’s not how one typically learns about the contents of the book, my friend.” He quipped quietly, smiling at her. 

“Dorian!” Caerye jumped, shuffling away from the shelf quickly and nearly tripping over her feet but thankfully he caught her and held her upright. 

“And that’s not the proper way to react to me.” Dorian scolded, chuckling as he let go of the other gently. Clucking his tongue, he moved closer to her and started fixing her hair up a bit. “Really now. If I had known you had such long hair before tonight, I could have suggested a much more suitable hairstyle for those dreadful parties we had to attend at the start of the Inquisition.” 

A small smile appeared on Caerye’s face as Dorian went about fixing up her hair and messing with it a bit. She knew he was just trying to keep her in the area to interrogate her. “Why are you still up, Dorian? You aren’t still studying lineages are you?”

“Oh Maker no. Now hold still.” He chided, tucking her hair behind her ear gently before smiling at his work. “There.” He stepped back into his alcove before grabbing Caerye’s wrist to tug her in there as well. He positioned her in front of the window and showed her his handiwork. “Look, much more elegant and fits your face very well.” He said, nodding firmly before he gently pushed her about until she was sitting down in his chair. He leaned against the table that was set up in front of his chair and crossed his arms over his waist, looking at her. “You’re not sleeping, Inquisitor.”

Caerye raised an eyebrow at him as she copied his pose by crossing her arms over her waist as well. “Neither are you.” She pointed out but she knew what he meant. She let out a sigh and shook her head slightly. “It’s not like I’m awake on purpose right now, Dorian. I was sleeping up until about an hour ago. I’ve been…having troublesome dreams lately.”

“Demons.”

“Demons.” She sighed, shaking her head again. “They’re…just being troublesome and saying they could help me find him. Give me the power to bring him back. I know it’s all a load of bullshit but…”

“Some times it’s hard to just ignore their offers. I know.” Dorian said, giving her a knowing look. “But you’re strong. I know you are. We all know how strong you are.”

Caerye looked torn for a moment before looking up at the Tevinter. “Am I though? I was able to stop a demented darkspawn magister and yet I can’t even control my own emotions. How strong am I really?”

“Look around you, my friend. You stopped the world from something much scarier than the Blight. You helped restart the Inquisition. You raised an army from practically nothing. You’ve gained the trust of nations. You’ve taken down more demons than I can count and you’ve eaten Sera’s cooking. That’s some strength right there.” Dorian said, watching her closely and damn near let out a sigh of relief when he saw the smile appear on Caerye’s face. It was small but it was there. 

“It wasn’t THAT bad. It was edible.” Caerye said, rolling her eyes. “Just needed something more to make it a bit MORE edible.”

“And that is precisely why I avoided dinner that night at camp. After I saw SERA near the cooking pot, I knew it wasn’t going to end well. She meant well but I’d prefer her sticking to sticking arrows in the bad guys instead of the cooking pot to stir it.” They were both chuckling now. A wonderful sound to hear. He hadn’t heard his friend laugh in quite some time. Once their chuckling had quieted down, Dorian become serious again as he looked at the tired woman. “You need sleep, Caerye. You are more than welcome to sleep in this chair if it means I know you are at least getting some rest.”

He had said that as she started to yawn and she waved off his offer. “Thank you, Dorian. But…I think I can make it to my bed before I fall asleep on the stairs.”

“Again.”

Caerye chuckled, smiling. “Yes. Again. You’ll never let me live that one down will you?”

“Not in a million years.” Dorian said fondly, shaking his head in amusement. He held out his hand to help her out of the chair before kissing the top of it. “Now. Go. Sleep. And know that all of us stand with you.” He let go of her hand and waited until she had disappeared down the staircase before he looked at the books she had been searching through. He snorted, shaking his head. “Of course she’d be looking for that.” He whispered bitterly before he tore a book about the Fade off the shelf and tossed it into his little nook where it landed with a solid ‘thump’. “Thank you for waking me, Cole. Oh do leave that book alone. I’ll hide it later before she returns.” He turned to see Cole crouching down where he had tossed the offending item and was holding onto it at a distance.

“Her dreams are getting worse but you helped calm her nerves. She’s grateful for that. Even if she couldn’t say it.” The young man looked up at the mage and sighed softly as he stood up, clutching the book. “I’ll keep it in my room. Hide it from her. She wouldn’t look for it there.” And before Dorian could even argue, the boy was gone. 

And with that interruption to his night, Dorian retired back to his room. But his sleep was restless as he thought about ways to help protect his friend from the nightmares that plagued her. There had to be something they could do. There had to be


	3. Cassandra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got all my stuff from the data recovery!  
> So updates will start happening now yay!!!

“Cassandra?” The spymaster looked up from her table, surprised to see the woman standing at the top of her stairs. No one really came up to see her other than her own people or the Inquisitor. But these days it was rare to see the blonde elf anywhere except for the War Room or the main hall. Anywhere else in Skyhold and it was Caerye just running on by. Literally.

“Leliana.” Cassandra nodded at the woman before fidgeting slightly in her spot. She let out a heavy sigh and moved over to the empty chair across the table. The spymaster didn’t say anything as she sat down at her chair. “There…There must be something we can do to help the Inquisitor.”

Leliana was quiet before nodding slightly. “I’ve been discussing things with Dorian and he said that he’s noticed some…unwelcome things about her lately.”

“What?!” 

“Calm yourself, Cassandra. Quiet down. We don’t need everyone hearing you yell.” Leliana’s voice was cold and firm but Cassandra knew it was because the other was just worried. They both were. Sighing heavily, she leaned against her palms and stared at the intimidating Seeker before her. “Do you have any ideas of what we could possibly do? She’s devastated. And I don’t know if there really is anything we can do to help her through this anymore.”

“What has Dorian found out?” Cassandra asked, leaning back in the chair with her arms crossed. “He must have found out something that could possibly help us.”

“Possibly. She was in the library in the middle of the night last week and he caught her looking at books about the Fade and dreams.” She saw Cassandra’s eyebrow raise in questioning and all she could do is shrug in response. “Dorian says he took all the books out of the library and Cole’s hiding them from her for now. And apparently she’s been having dreams that are being plagued by demons.”

“And she’s a mage so that’s a bit…terrifying to hear about.” Cassandra added, shaking her head. “There must be SOMETHING we can do. Even if it’s taking her out of Skyhold for a few days. Maybe even a week. Is there any pressing matters going on right now that could possibly take her and a few others out of Skyhold for a small while?”

“Unfortunately, no there is nothing.” Leliana sighed, visibly sagging into her chair as she thought. “I could make something up just so we can get her out of this place for n-“

“Don’t bother. She’ll see right through once we get out there. And I would rather not make her angry honestly.”

“Fair enough.”

They were interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming up the steps, causing them both to look over Cassandra’s shoulder to see who was approaching. It was Dorian and he was holding a few books in his arms, looking slightly irritated as well. “I need to stash these somewhere.”

“Excuse me?” Leliana asked, standing up and moved over to the man to help take some of the books off his hands. Peering at the titles, her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Why are you trying to hide these up here?”

“Because we somehow got an entire new shipment of books on the Fade the past couple of days and without that damn elf here to oversee these, I had to make sure she didn’t even get to SEE the box of books. I had to enlist Cole and Varric to distract her while I ran off with these. I managed to hide most of them in my own room and Coel already has a good amount of them already. And I trust you, Miss Spymaster, to keep these ones well hidden from her view until everything has settled down again.” He said simply, setting the rest of the books on her desk gently. He saw Cassandra investigate the books before she snorted at the titles. “Percisely my dear Seeker. And thus we must hide these from her. I have a feeling he had sent for these long ago but they weren’t able to arrive on time.” 

“I can keep them hidden.” Leliana said quickly, scooping up the books swiftly before walking off and out of the area. 

“Where in the world could she be going?” Dorian asked, raising an eyebrow before shaking his head quickly. “Never mind I really don’t think I want to know what she’s doing with them. As long as they aren’t destroyed.” He leaned against the table and glanced around casually before sighing. “She’s gotten worse. I’m not sure how much you know about the Inquisitor’s…emotional state but from what I’ve been able to see with her…she’s definitely gone a bit more downhill than I would prefer.”

“How much so?” Cassandra asked, looking up at the mage before furrowing her brow. “Dorian, when was the last time you slept?”

“Not important right now, Cassandra.” Dorian replied swiftly, smiling at her easily. “We need to figure out what we can do to make her smile real again.”

“We need you to at least sleep, Dorian.” Leliana said as she appeared with empty arms. “And eat. Oh don’t think I haven’t noticed. You need to keep yourself healthy if you want to help up with the Inquisitor.”

Both woman looked at Dorian knowingly and waited until the man had thrown his hands up in defeat. “I’ll go sleep and get something to eat but I want you ladies to go find her and do something. She looked so dreadful earlier when I caught sight of her walking through the main hall.” He was gone after telling them that.

Leliana looked to Cassandra and shrugged a bit. “Neither of us are very good at cheering someone up and we both know this. But we must do something. I’m tired of seeing her so sad all the time.” She was shaking her head now and was gesturing to get Cassandra to get up so they could go do SOMETHING to help Caerye. 

Both women made their way down the steps of the tower, quickly making their way out of the rotunda to go and find the blonde elf. Their search took them into the War Room to see her pouring over some maps. Her hair was a mess again, the braid so loose that it was barely there. Cassandra gave Leliana a look before she cleared her throat.

Caerye jumped violently, her head whipping up to see who was in the room with her before she relaxed and sighed. “You startled me.” She shook her head with a tight smile towards the two. “Do you two need something?”

“No. Have you eaten lunch yet, Inquisitor?” Leliana asked quickly, moving over to Caerye quickly and looked at the maps on the table. They were maps of the Western side of Thedas. No surprise there. 

“No I haven’t. Is it already lunch time?” Caerye asked, casually sweeping up the maps and rolling them up before stashing them in her bag. “Have you two eaten or is that why you have asked me?”

“We haven’t. But we thought that maybe you would like to join us?” Cassandra piped up, smiling. Leliana gave her a quick, thankful smile before she started pushing the Inquisitor out of the room gently. 

Caerye tried protesting as she knew what they were tyring to do and just let them drag her off to the main hall where lunch was set out. She sat down with them and soon they were joined by Varric and Cole and soon after those two a few others showed up and sat down at the table they were at. The happy chatter starte dup and before she even realized what was happening, Caerye was sucked into various conversations. Normal conversations, happy jokes and playful jabs at each other were made. But none were made by Caerye. But she was enjoying them. And she was smiling just a but more than she had in the past few months.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a little too quiet in Skyhold these past couple of weeks. People were usually running about, yelling and hollering to one another but it was quiet now. Blackwall was honestly enjoying the silence. It might have to do with the fact that Sera was out on a scouting mission with Harding, Bull and Dorian at the moment which meant that the Tavern was downright eerie with how silent it was. But that didn’t mean he totally liked it either. And it was that moment of complete silence in between the sound of him tirelessly scarping away at his latest project that drove him to the breaking point and he threw his tools down on the bench with a grunt. He looked around as if that would help him but he knew it wouldn’t and ran a hand through his hair before he fidgeted around. 

“Ser Blackwall?” The voice was timid and damn near terrified to come in any farther into the barn.

“What is it?” Blackwall grunted, sighing heavily as he turned to see who it was. It was just a runner but they were holding something. Looking embarrassed about it. “Well?”

“Ah! Yes ser. Madam Josephine has a message for you, Ser!” The runner said, now very scared of the man in front of him. “Said it was not of great importance but to get it to you as soon as I could and-“

“Hand it over then lad.” Blackwall sighed, grabbing the letter from the boy and read it over before waving the boy off who all but ran out of the barn quickly. It wasn’t what he was expecting but he was glad to get something from her but it was gladly accepted. He didn’t waste any time before he was jogging up the steps to the main hall, passing by Varric who just snickered at him knowingly as he walked over to the door that led to Josephine’s study. He knocked on the doorframe as he walked into the room. He watched as Josephine’s face lit up as she looked up to see him. “M’lady.” He said, bowing slightly towards her. 

Josephine rolled her eyes but chuckled. “Thank you for coming. I assume you have read the letter thoroughly then?”

“Of course. But you’re idea might be a bit…outlandish for her.” Blackwall leaned against a beam as he watched Josephine shuffle around her papers a bit before looking up at him again with that smile he adored so much.

“I know but it just might work. She is smiling again. That is a good sign. But you could also be right. She might just get upset with me for trying something like this.” She let out a heavy sigh, leaning back against her large chair before looking at him again. “Do you have any ideas of what we could possibly do?”

“Leave her be. She needs some time.”

“I understand that, Tom but there must be SOMETHING that we can do-“

“Josephine, you need to relax.” Blackwall said, moving over to her desk and gently shuffled her papers around so they were neatly arranged and turned upside down so she couldn’t look at them for the time being. “Maybe we can go find her and see if we can’t bother her for some of her time.”

There was a moment where Blackwall thought that maybe he had taken it a bit too far by touching Josephine’s precious paperwork before he saw the smile on her face. “I like that idea. Maybe a walk around the battlement?” She offered before shoving her chair back and popped up with a spring in her step. She reached for Blackwall’s hand before realizing what she had been about to do and quickly took her hand back with a small cough, her cheeks turning slightly red.

He ignored the action, even if he really had waned her to grab his hand, and followed her back out of the office to go find the Inquisitor. It didn’t take them too long to find the woman as she had been stopped by Varric at the entrance of the hall. It took a bit of convincing by Josephine before the three of them were walking around up on the higher parts of the ramparts. Blackwall stayed a few steps behind them, keeping watch and enjoying their chatter. He was glad to have gotten both Josephine out of her office for the time being as well as getting Caerye distracted. He had seen the look on her face this morning. She was looking worse than she had in a few weeks.

He was shaken out of his thoughts when he noticed the two of them were looking back at him. Stopping, he stared at them with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, ladies?”

Caerye eyed him for a moment longer before nodding and grabbed Josephine by her wrists. She promptly marched the two of them back over to Blackwall and grabbed his wrists as well. She practically mashed their hands together and held them like that before looking between the two of them. “I may not be able to have a happy ending. But I want the two of you to be able to have one.” She said softly, giving them what she hoped was a sincere smile. “And for the two of you to stop trying to deny your feelings for each other otherwise Fen’Harel take the two of you away from Skyhold.” She let of their hands and was pleased to see that they didn’t let go of each other’s hands. Josephine looked torn and Blackwall looked a bit guilty but they both had a light blush on their cheeks. 

“Inquisitor.” Josephine said softly, looking at Caerye with a sad smile. “You will have a happy ending. Or I will make sure you do.” She had that tone that meant business.

Caerye shut her down quickly with her hands in the air. “Josie, you guys have a nice afternoon. I’ll be with Varric and Cole. We’re trying to teach Cole how to gamble again.” She said, turning on her heel and disappeared before they could say anything else to her.

Blackwall looked at Josephine, peeking down at their hands before looking at her again. “That did not go as originally planned now did it?”

“No. It did not but I cannot say that I am displeased with these results. But we must try harder to completely distract her.” Josephine said, going back to business but held onto the other’s hands tightly. 

“Then let us plan for the next action.” Blackwall said as he laced their fingers together. He let Josephine lead him away from the area they were standing in as she started chatting away about what they could do to cheer up their Inquisitor.

Chapter 5  
“S’not right.” Sera grumbled to herself, watching the Inquisitor walk up the steps to go speak with Cole. Probably something to do with finding something or whatever. But the look at the woman’s face just wasn’t right. She waited to see Caerye walk down the steps but was surprised when she heard the door above her open and shut. If she hadn’t listened to that door open and shut as often as she did, she wouldn’t have realized what was going on. That damned woman had slipped out of the building so no one could stop her! “Oh screw that.” 

And then she was off. She was going to stop the Inquisitor from running off again before she could escape the city elf. She quickly ran up the stairs, ignoring Cole’s curious questions called out after her as she flung open the door to run after Caerye. She didn’t have to go far at all. In fact, she had to come to a skidding halt to avoid running to the mage. 

“Oi!” Sera screeched, flinging her arms out to steady herself. Her screech got a response from Caerye and the woman whipped around to face her, a hand glowing bright red. “Whoa whoa whoa! No need to burn me up, yeah?”

Caerye sighed heavily, shaking her head as she stopped the spell and looked at the girl in front of her. “Sera, did you need something? You don’t typically roam around up here.”

“Yeah I need somethin’!” She huffed, putting her hands on her hips. “You owe me a game of Wicked Grace! Pay up!”

Silence filled up between them as the Inquisitor tried to process what was just said to her. And it looked like Sera wasn’t going to elaborate at all about her sudden outburst. “When did I promise you a game?”

“What?! You don’t remember?! Last week after that game with Varric, Blackwall and Cullen! You said that you would play another game with me, Bull and Krem soon!” Sera said, punching Caerye lightly on the arm in what she hoped was more affectionate than angry. She felt relieved when she noticed the small smile on Caerye’s face. She grinned widely at the other woman happily. “S’all good right? You on for tonight then?”

“Right. I’m not…sure if I will-“

“Tonight it is then! You better not flake out, Inky!” Sera said happily but stopped in her tracks at the look on Caerye’s face. “Hey now, that’s no face to have right now. C’mon now bring back that…smile you had.” She said, poking at the other’s shoulder gently. Trying to make the woman smile again. Well, something like a smile. She hadn’t seen that true smile come from the other elf in months, damn near a year at this point. And although she wouldn’t say it out loud, she missed how happy Caerye used to be. Her happiness had been infectious with a few of the people at Skyhold and now, now it was so hard to keep a smile on their faces when their friend was suffering.

“Sera, I know what you’re trying to do. Really, I appreciate it but I don’t know if I am honestly up a game tonight. Especially with Bull and Krem because you know the Chargers will show up and it will be loud before the sun even sets.” Caerye tried to smile but it was lost almost immediately. 

“Oh don’t get all mushy on me now!” Sera said, making gagging motions. “Stop that. Right this instant. You don’t know what I’m goin on about. Now either you are in tonight or you are in tomorrow night. Which one is it?” She asked, settling her hands on her hips again as she stared down Caerye.

Being almost afraid of Sera’s stance and tone of voice, the Inquisitor just kind of stared at her before sighing heavily. She rubbed at her forehead gently before looking at Sera again with a sad smile. “I appreciate this, I really do. Tell the others I’m sorry but I have some matters to attend to tonight and if I don’t get them all done tonight I will have to get it all done tomorrow.”

“Oh no you don’t. You take a break for all that hoity toity shite and come join us tonight.” Sera huffed, stomping her foot angrily before she suddenly got oddly calm and looked up at Caerye with the saddest expression Caerye had ever seen from the rambunctious elf. “Please. We…No one will outright say it but for fuck’s sake we miss you!” Her voice had risen until she was yelling and her voice echoed across the ramparts. She was angry now and upset that Caerye wasn’t just agreeing to it all. “You need a break! Please come play at least one game with us tonight.”

Before Caerye could even say anything, she was suddenly enveloped by Sera and was being held tightly. Swallowing thickly, she couldn’t hold herself together and ended up hugging Sera back tightly and had to control her breathing quickly or else she would start sobbing again. “Sera, thank you. I mean it.” She whispered, feeling the other elf hold onto her tighter.

“Now don’t you dare say that you are going to just go ahead and do your Inquisitor shite after this mushy confession. I’ll drag you back into the tavern myself.” Sera grumbled, tightening her grip even more and Caerye had to prod at her to let go even slightly. But like she had promised, Sera didn’t completely let go.

“Fine, Sera. I’ll play a game. Just one though.” Caerye relented, letting Sera drag her back into the tavern where they were greeted by Cole who was smiling happily at them, which caused Sera to glare at the young man before all three of them headed down towards where Bull and Krem were setting up the tables for the game. Varric showed up shortly after with the cards and Cullen shortly followed, surprising everyone else. 

Although she said she was only going to stay for one round, Caerye ended up staying there until the sun started peeking up over the horizon.


	5. Chapter 5

“S’not right.” Sera grumbled to herself, watching the Inquisitor walk up the steps to go speak with Cole. Probably something to do with finding something or whatever. But the look at the woman’s face just wasn’t right. She waited to see Caerye walk down the steps but was surprised when she heard the door above her open and shut. If she hadn’t listened to that door open and shut as often as she did, she wouldn’t have realized what was going on. That damned woman had slipped out of the building so no one could stop her! “Oh screw that.” 

And then she was off. She was going to stop the Inquisitor from running off again before she could escape the city elf. She quickly ran up the stairs, ignoring Cole’s curious questions called out after her as she flung open the door to run after Caerye. She didn’t have to go far at all. In fact, she had to come to a skidding halt to avoid running to the mage. 

“Oi!” Sera screeched, flinging her arms out to steady herself. Her screech got a response from Caerye and the woman whipped around to face her, a hand glowing bright red. “Whoa whoa whoa! No need to burn me up, yeah?”

Caerye sighed heavily, shaking her head as she stopped the spell and looked at the girl in front of her. “Sera, did you need something? You don’t typically roam around up here.”

“Yeah I need somethin’!” She huffed, putting her hands on her hips. “You owe me a game of Wicked Grace! Pay up!”

Silence filled up between them as the Inquisitor tried to process what was just said to her. And it looked like Sera wasn’t going to elaborate at all about her sudden outburst. “When did I promise you a game?”

“What?! You don’t remember?! Last week after that game with Varric, Blackwall and Cullen! You said that you would play another game with me, Bull and Krem soon!” Sera said, punching Caerye lightly on the arm in what she hoped was more affectionate than angry. She felt relieved when she noticed the small smile on Caerye’s face. She grinned widely at the other woman happily. “S’all good right? You on for tonight then?”

“Right. I’m not…sure if I will-“

“Tonight it is then! You better not flake out, Inky!” Sera said happily but stopped in her tracks at the look on Caerye’s face. “Hey now, that’s no face to have right now. C’mon now bring back that…smile you had.” She said, poking at the other’s shoulder gently. Trying to make the woman smile again. Well, something like a smile. She hadn’t seen that true smile come from the other elf in months, damn near a year at this point. And although she wouldn’t say it out loud, she missed how happy Caerye used to be. Her happiness had been infectious with a few of the people at Skyhold and now, now it was so hard to keep a smile on their faces when their friend was suffering.

“Sera, I know what you’re trying to do. Really, I appreciate it but I don’t know if I am honestly up a game tonight. Especially with Bull and Krem because you know the Chargers will show up and it will be loud before the sun even sets.” Caerye tried to smile but it was lost almost immediately. 

“Oh don’t get all mushy on me now!” Sera said, making gagging motions. “Stop that. Right this instant. You don’t know what I’m goin on about. Now either you are in tonight or you are in tomorrow night. Which one is it?” She asked, settling her hands on her hips again as she stared down Caerye.

Being almost afraid of Sera’s stance and tone of voice, the Inquisitor just kind of stared at her before sighing heavily. She rubbed at her forehead gently before looking at Sera again with a sad smile. “I appreciate this, I really do. Tell the others I’m sorry but I have some matters to attend to tonight and if I don’t get them all done tonight I will have to get it all done tomorrow.”

“Oh no you don’t. You take a break for all that hoity toity shite and come join us tonight.” Sera huffed, stomping her foot angrily before she suddenly got oddly calm and looked up at Caerye with the saddest expression Caerye had ever seen from the rambunctious elf. “Please. We…No one will outright say it but for fuck’s sake we miss you!” Her voice had risen until she was yelling and her voice echoed across the ramparts. She was angry now and upset that Caerye wasn’t just agreeing to it all. “You need a break! Please come play at least one game with us tonight.”

Before Caerye could even say anything, she was suddenly enveloped by Sera and was being held tightly. Swallowing thickly, she couldn’t hold herself together and ended up hugging Sera back tightly and had to control her breathing quickly or else she would start sobbing again. “Sera, thank you. I mean it.” She whispered, feeling the other elf hold onto her tighter.

“Now don’t you dare say that you are going to just go ahead and do your Inquisitor shite after this mushy confession. I’ll drag you back into the tavern myself.” Sera grumbled, tightening her grip even more and Caerye had to prod at her to let go even slightly. But like she had promised, Sera didn’t completely let go.

“Fine, Sera. I’ll play a game. Just one though.” Caerye relented, letting Sera drag her back into the tavern where they were greeted by Cole who was smiling happily at them, which caused Sera to glare at the young man before all three of them headed down towards where Bull and Krem were setting up the tables for the game. Varric showed up shortly after with the cards and Cullen shortly followed, surprising everyone else. 

Although she said she was only going to stay for one round, Caerye ended up staying there until the sun started peeking up over the horizon.

Chapter 6  
Although the longest game of Wicked Grace had finally ended, Sera was under the table again, Bull had managed to drag Krem off as the young man was practically asleep on his feet, Cullen had disappeared somehow and that left Cole, Varric and Caerye as the only ones awake at the table. Cole was wearing down though and Varric could see it as the boy was swaying gently in his seat but fighting to stay awake as he was listening to the other two speak quietly to each other. 

“So Sparkler just set the curtains on fire? Just like that?” Varric asked, chuckling under his breath. “I mean I totally see him doing that but he got so angry that fire literally spewed from his mouth? That’s a bit odd.”

“Bull would have swooned right then and there. I swear to the Creators.” Caerye said, a gentle smile on her lips as she told Varric the story. “I have no idea what was said to him, they were speaking Tevene, but I shit you not Varric, I thought we were all going to have to pin him down and block his magic if he didn’t calm down.” She shook her head, stifling a yawn behind her hand gracefully. 

Laughing, Varric nodded with a grin. “Iron Bull would have taken him right then and there. And that is a sight I don’t think anyone needs to see. Or have a mental image of. I am so sorry for even bringing it up.” He shook his head with a grin on his lips. He caught sight of Cole swaying again and made a noise as the boy finally succumbed to his exhaustion. Both he and Caerye jumped up and saved Cole from cracking his head against the floor, holding him up. Both of them were chuckling and Caerye was looping her arm under Cole’s shoulders. She managed to wake the boy up slightly, just enough to get him to move his feet so he could walk. They got him up to that room up in the battlements that they had set up for him. He was barely able to move his feet by the time they got him under the covers and his hat set off to the side but they managed and they left his room quietly to head back into the tavern. Sera had gotten up at some point and was in her room but the two of them weren’t quite ready to part ways and ended up back at the table.

Caerye messed with a few of the cards that were still on the table before speaking up quietly. “Varric, I know what everyone’s trying to do and I do appreciate it but I need to get over this myself. I can’t rely on you guys to help me through this.” She wouldn’t look at him and Varric understood but what she was saying, he didn’t agree with.

“I’m sorry Inquisitor but I’m going to have to call bullshit on that. You may not feel like you need us but we are here and we are going to help regardless if you actually want us to or not. I heard what Sera had shouted yesterday. And she spoke the truth. We miss you.” Varric said casually, shrugging a bit as he fiddled with his empty tankard. “And you will probably continue with pushing us away when we try to make you smile again but that isn’t going to stop us at all.” He was smiling at her now, trying to give her some sense of comfort. He watched the emotions crash through her before finally settling on something he hadn’t seen in months.

Her smile. Her damn real smile was finally there. He was shocked, frozen as he stared at her. He hadn’t really expected to see any time soon. Caerye looked at him and her smiled widened a bit. “Thank you. I know I’m a bit of a stubborn ass-“

“Only a bit? Inquisitor, I have never seen someone so set on something since Hawke was adamant about not letting Bethany come with us to the Deep Roads.” Varric snorted, shaking his head. He was grinning again, his grin widening every time he looked at her smile. “I don’t know how far you are in your…recovery over all this but if I could say something?”

“Go ahead.”

“He royally fucked up. Leaving you without even saying goodbye to you. When you see him again, you better deck him right in that smug jaw of his or so help me I will do it for you.” Varric grumbled, setting the tankard down heavily on the table. He jumped when he heard a noise coming from the elf. He stared at her in surprise before he realized she was laughing. LAUGHING.

“Varric, I promise you that if I don’t get the chance to deck him, you will be the first in line.” She said, smiling at him as she wiped at her eyes. She was crying. But for the first time in a very, very long time, they were happy tears. She was happy to have a friend who was pissed off enough to want to punch an apostate in the jaw for doing something like this.

“I better be the first in line. Damned mage.” The dwarf grunted, shaking his head. He seemed to have quite the time when it came to mages for friends. They fell silent, a comfortable silence that was normal for the two of them. He heard her yawn and chuckled. “Alright. It’s about time we finally get to bed. I’ll let Ruffles know that you aren’t to be disturbed for a few hours. Go get some sleep.” He slid back out of the chair and waited for Caerye to reluctantly do the same and the two of them made their way up the steps towards the main hall. He walked over to her chamber door and stopped as she put her hand to the door. She turned around to face him and he raised an eyebrow at her. “Is there something you need?”

Caerye nodded and stepped forward, bending down slightly as she hugged him tightly. “Thank you.” She whispered before pulling away from him and stepping back. “We playing again tonight as well?”

A little shocked about the hug but quick to respond again, he nodded with a grin. “Yeah, gonna try and get Seeker in as well. And Krem. Still trying to get them together. Bull has a plan and we’re trying to see if we can’t get it to work tonight.”

“Oh you guys need to stop it. Yes we can all see it but they need to figure it out themselves.” Caerye laughed, shaking her head as he finally opened the door. “Goodnight, Varric.”

“Goodnight, Inquisitor.” Varric said, waiting until the door was shut before he turned around and went off towards his room to get a few hours of sleep before having to go about his day as well.


	6. Chapter 6

Although the longest game of Wicked Grace had finally ended, Sera was under the table again, Bull had managed to drag Krem off as the young man was practically asleep on his feet, Cullen had disappeared somehow and that left Cole, Varric and Caerye as the only ones awake at the table. Cole was wearing down though and Varric could see it as the boy was swaying gently in his seat but fighting to stay awake as he was listening to the other two speak quietly to each other. 

“So Sparkler just set the curtains on fire? Just like that?” Varric asked, chuckling under his breath. “I mean I totally see him doing that but he got so angry that fire literally spewed from his mouth? That’s a bit odd.”

“Bull would have swooned right then and there. I swear to the Creators.” Caerye said, a gentle smile on her lips as she told Varric the story. “I have no idea what was said to him, they were speaking Tevene, but I shit you not Varric, I thought we were all going to have to pin him down and block his magic if he didn’t calm down.” She shook her head, stifling a yawn behind her hand gracefully. 

Laughing, Varric nodded with a grin. “Iron Bull would have taken him right then and there. And that is a sight I don’t think anyone needs to see. Or have a mental image of. I am so sorry for even bringing it up.” He shook his head with a grin on his lips. He caught sight of Cole swaying again and made a noise as the boy finally succumbed to his exhaustion. Both he and Caerye jumped up and saved Cole from cracking his head against the floor, holding him up. Both of them were chuckling and Caerye was looping her arm under Cole’s shoulders. She managed to wake the boy up slightly, just enough to get him to move his feet so he could walk. They got him up to that room up in the battlements that they had set up for him. He was barely able to move his feet by the time they got him under the covers and his hat set off to the side but they managed and they left his room quietly to head back into the tavern. Sera had gotten up at some point and was in her room but the two of them weren’t quite ready to part ways and ended up back at the table.

Caerye messed with a few of the cards that were still on the table before speaking up quietly. “Varric, I know what everyone’s trying to do and I do appreciate it but I need to get over this myself. I can’t rely on you guys to help me through this.” She wouldn’t look at him and Varric understood but what she was saying, he didn’t agree with.

“I’m sorry Inquisitor but I’m going to have to call bullshit on that. You may not feel like you need us but we are here and we are going to help regardless if you actually want us to or not. I heard what Sera had shouted yesterday. And she spoke the truth. We miss you.” Varric said casually, shrugging a bit as he fiddled with his empty tankard. “And you will probably continue with pushing us away when we try to make you smile again but that isn’t going to stop us at all.” He was smiling at her now, trying to give her some sense of comfort. He watched the emotions crash through her before finally settling on something he hadn’t seen in months.

Her smile. Her damn real smile was finally there. He was shocked, frozen as he stared at her. He hadn’t really expected to see any time soon. Caerye looked at him and her smiled widened a bit. “Thank you. I know I’m a bit of a stubborn ass-“

“Only a bit? Inquisitor, I have never seen someone so set on something since Hawke was adamant about not letting Bethany come with us to the Deep Roads.” Varric snorted, shaking his head. He was grinning again, his grin widening every time he looked at her smile. “I don’t know how far you are in your…recovery over all this but if I could say something?”

“Go ahead.”

“He royally fucked up. Leaving you without even saying goodbye to you. When you see him again, you better deck him right in that smug jaw of his or so help me I will do it for you.” Varric grumbled, setting the tankard down heavily on the table. He jumped when he heard a noise coming from the elf. He stared at her in surprise before he realized she was laughing. LAUGHING.

“Varric, I promise you that if I don’t get the chance to deck him, you will be the first in line.” She said, smiling at him as she wiped at her eyes. She was crying. But for the first time in a very, very long time, they were happy tears. She was happy to have a friend who was pissed off enough to want to punch an apostate in the jaw for doing something like this.

“I better be the first in line. Damned mage.” The dwarf grunted, shaking his head. He seemed to have quite the time when it came to mages for friends. They fell silent, a comfortable silence that was normal for the two of them. He heard her yawn and chuckled. “Alright. It’s about time we finally get to bed. I’ll let Ruffles know that you aren’t to be disturbed for a few hours. Go get some sleep.” He slid back out of the chair and waited for Caerye to reluctantly do the same and the two of them made their way up the steps towards the main hall. He walked over to her chamber door and stopped as she put her hand to the door. She turned around to face him and he raised an eyebrow at her. “Is there something you need?”

Caerye nodded and stepped forward, bending down slightly as she hugged him tightly. “Thank you.” She whispered before pulling away from him and stepping back. “We playing again tonight as well?”

A little shocked about the hug but quick to respond again, he nodded with a grin. “Yeah, gonna try and get Seeker in as well. And Krem. Still trying to get them together. Bull has a plan and we’re trying to see if we can’t get it to work tonight.”

“Oh you guys need to stop it. Yes we can all see it but they need to figure it out themselves.” Caerye laughed, shaking her head as he finally opened the door. “Goodnight, Varric.”

“Goodnight, Inquisitor.” Varric said, waiting until the door was shut before he turned around and went off towards his room to get a few hours of sleep before having to go about his day as well.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry these are starting to get shorter and a bit more rushed. I promised my friend that this would be up for her birthday....back in April so I'm trying to get this up fully here for the end of the week!

“Come on, Krem! Focus here! Keep your eyes on me and not on Seeker’s ass!” Bull grunted, irritated over the fact that his second in command was constantly peering over towards where Cassandra was, talking to the Inquisitor as they walked around for a bit. 

Krem glared at the Qunari before shaking his head. “Not looking at her. Have you heard anything about…”

Iron Bull stopped their sparring practice and glanced over at Cassandra and Caerye before shaking his head a bit. “Not much. Got a little bit out of Dorian this morning but all he said was that she’s been opening up a bit more than she had at first. Which is a good thing.”

“Out of him this morning huh? You two have a late night?” Krem asked, smirking as he tried to tease the other. It didn’t work and he ended up with a hard hit to his head. He grunted and rubbed at the spot. “He say anything specific about the Inquisitor? I’ve noticed she’s been…wandering. A lot actually. Gave Dalish a fright the other night when she and I were patrolling the ramparts and the Inquisitor turned the corner and nearly ran into Dalish. Thought I was going to have to pull two frightened mages apart.”

“I did say I was sorry about that. Repeatedly.” Caerye said, spearing right behind Bull which caused both Iron Bull and Krem to jump slightly. 

“Damned elves.” Bull grunted, shaking his head as he turned to look at the Inquisitor with a smirk. “Hear us from all the way over there?” He teased, chuckling.

“Only Krem talking about how I scared him and Dalish the other night.” She said with a small chuckle. She looked at Krem again with a sheepish grin. “Is she still angry about that?”

“Well, she’s wary of corners now.” Krem said, laughing nervously. He ran a hand through his hair, his own smile a bit sheepish. He saw the Inquisitor’s smile widen a bit at his confession and he couldn’t help his own smile from growing. “But she’s not angry anymore. Just more cautious.”

“Well that’s good to hear. I don’t think I ever want to be on the wrong end of her st-bow.” Caerye chuckled, shaking her head a bit before she glanced over her shoulder to see Cassandra looking over in their direction before quickly looking away. She looked back at Bull and Krem only to see that Krem was looking away as well and that Bull was grinning widely. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” Krem practically squeaked before bowing slightly towards her and quickly shuffling off. 

“Did I say something?” Caerye asked, turning to look up at Iron Bull in confusion. 

“Naw. He’s got a thing for Cassandra.” Iron Bull shrugged, still grinning as he watched Krem run off to go join up with a few other of the Chargers. “He just won’t admit it and go talk to her.”

“You…You’re joking right?” Caerye asked, damn near grinning now. “Cassandra was dragging me around trying to see if she could watch you and Krem without it being obvious that she was watching him.” 

“Oh you have got to be kidding me.” Now it was the Qunari’s turn to groan. “He’s been pining after her since Haven. And I’ve had to listen to him talk about her. For fucks sake there has to be something that can be done about this.”

He looked at the elf with a helpless look about his face. “Oh no. Don’t you dare think I can pull anything.” She said, putting her hands up quickly. “I’m no good with romance apparently.”

“Inquisitor, you-“

“But I do have a plan.” Caerye said with a grin, winking at Bull before she tried to tug him along. 

And quit the plan she sure had. They spent roughly an hour running about, well more like sneaking around, the ramparts and goading Cassandra and Krem into following them by planting some things that would pique their interest. Cassandra was much more wary but certainly curious about who was playing this elaborate prank on her. She thought it was Varric and once caught sight of Bull walking away from the area but didn’t bother asking him if he knew what was going on. Krem was a bit harder to goad into following their trails but after somehow getting the soldier interested in their little game, they managed to steer him towards an empty area. 

Cassandra came along shortly afterwards and stopped dead in her tracks as she caught sight of Krem standing on the other side of the area. He was holding a piece of paper in one hand and his other hand was running through his hair as he re-read the paper a few times. Caerye and Bull were up above, standing on the ramparts but easily hidden from the other two’s sights.

“Think this’ll work, Boss?” Bull asked, keeping his eye on Krem as he watched his second in command jump out of his skin when Cassandra called out to him. He glanced over at the elven woman and chuckled at the grin on her lips. 

“It might. And if not, they’ll never realize it was well…they won’t openly come after me for this. Krem though…he might ask you about this.” Caerye said with a grin, looking up at the large Qunari. “Buuuut I think they won’t be bugging either of us for quite a while. Look.” She said, nodding over towards them. Cassandra had at some point moved over to Krem and pushed him against a wall and they were now far too distracted to possibly care about finding out who had tricked them into bringing them together.

Caerye heard the Iron Bull start to laugh and the two of them quietly walked away to avoid being caught by them. “Let’s go get a drink. On me.” Bull said, nudging her gently before he carefully steered her towards the tavern. Although she didn’t really feel up to burning her throat until she couldn’t feel it, she really didn’t want to be alone for now.

Playing matchmaker was fun. It was a nice distraction from her own failed romance.


	8. Chapter 8

Cullen was so used to seeing Caerye running about and checking in on everyone that he was a little more than confused when Caerye stopped popping in at least four or five times a day. She would stop by once in the middle of the day to see how he was doing or if he needed anything but that was the extent of her visitations these days. It was unnerving. What was the most unnerving thing was the lack of a real smile on the elven woman’s lips. She still smiled sure but it was the fakest thing he’d seen coming from her the entire time he’s known her. It wasn’t her and he knew why it was so fake. And he wanted nothing more than to drag that damned apostate back to Skyhold and punch him square in the jaw. Sighing heavily, he jumped when he looked up to see Dorian standing in his doorway. “Something you need, Dorian?”

“For you to stop pacing. I’ve had three soldiers come hand me things that are meant for YOU but they’re too nervous to come in here after they’ve seen you pacing around here. Look, you’ve practically made a trench in the carpet.” Dorian chided, shaking his head as he walked over with papers in his hand. He slapped them down on the Commander’s desk before walking around and sat down in his chair. He smirked as Cullen gave him an irritated look. But his smirk dropped and he sighed heavily. “You’re worried about her too.”

“Who isn’t?” Cullen grumbled. “It’s…odd not having her running around and being her usual self. It’s almost…Scary.” Shaking his head, he absently picked up the papers and shifted through them without actually reading them. They were exactly what he thought they were. Just reports from Leliana. Mainly about the Inquisitor. 

Dorian nodded, kicking his feet up on the desk carefully. “She’s…not okay but that’s pretty damn obvious now isn’t it. I’ve been trying to keep her occupied but it gets a little harder to do with more work streaming in these days.” He let out a sigh, watching Cullen pick up the papers and not really read them at all. “Think we can come up with something to get her distracted today? You do have a meeting with her today do you not?”

“Shit!” Cullen tossed the papers back down onto his desk and grabbed the ones he actually needed before grabbing a couple other things. “I’ll think of something. Don’t mess with anything while I’m gone!” He said quickly, practically running out of his office. 

The ‘meeting’ ended up being a three hour long argument between Leliana and Josephine while Cullen and Caerye sat off to the side watching them and occasionally adding in more fuel to the argument. A few choice words from Caerye had Cullen laughing so hard he started snorting behind his papers. Eventually the arguing ladies found terms to agree on and started chatting leisurely. It took a little while for Cullen to calm down from his laughter but when he did, he caught sight of Caerye still grinning behind her own stack of papers. “Inquisitor?” He piped up, chuckling again. Her smile was a bit infectious. She looked up at him and started laughing again as well. “Would you like to join me for lunch? We’ve been in here for hours and quite honestly, I don’t think I want to have food brought here.”

Caerye nodded, setting her papers down onto the war table before pushing her chair back. “Let’s go. I hear they’re making that stew that I really like.” She said, still grinning lightly as she waited for the Commander to get up and follow her towards the main hall just as lunch was being laid out. They managed to grab themselves some food before running off to find someplace quieter to eat. They ended up on the battlements near the Commander’s office. It was quieter up there, the buzz of conversations and general noises of Skyhold drifted up towards them but it wasn’t drowning their own conversation out.

Cullen had managed to get the Inquisitor to laugh throughout half their meal and even though their food was long gone by now, they were still chatting away. It was the first time in quite some time that the two of them had gotten to sit down and talk about something other than the Inquisition or their work load. He’d also gotten her to talk more about her clan, something he was surprised about her willingness to talk about them and the fact that she trusted him enough to talk freely about her clan. The happy air around them slowly disappeared as Caerye started talking about how much she missed them. As she trailed off further, growing silent and looked off to the mountains. He could see the hurt in her eyes and before he could really even think about what he was saying, he started speaking. “Thank you.”

Caerye jumped slightly, turning to look at him. “For what?”

“For trusting me…I think…Why did I say that?” Cullen sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with an embarrassed smile on his lips. “I just…You’ve never spoken about your clan to me like this.”

Laughing, the elf smiled at him before looking away from him again. “It kind of helps me to talk about them with someone. Takes my mind off things.” She turned to look at him again with a sad smile. “So really I should be the one saying thank you.” Chuckling, she shook her slightly before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Thank you, Cullen.”

“Oh-I-Uh, you don’t have to- I mean..You can always come talk to me any time you want…about…anything.” Cullen said, smiling lightly at the Inquisitor. 

Caerye was silent for a moment before she smiled again, nodding. “I might take you up on that.” She gathered up their things before looking at him again. “Did I tell you about the time I accidentally set the Keeper’s aravel on fire?”

Snorting, Cullen shook his head as he took the dishes from her. “I don’t believe you have.”

“Well that’s how I found out I had magic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's so short.


	9. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done with this. Thank you all for reading this far. It means a lot to me.

Vivienne had caught wind of the Inquisitor’s recent emotional state and even though she wouldn’t openly admit to it but she was worried. She saw the Inquisitor as a friend and although she was never really affectionate towards friends, she was worried. The elven woman commanded an army, was able to save Thedas and yet she was the one hurting the most after all of this when she should be one of the happiest. So why was it that Caerye was the one who was hurting by herself? 

Although it was taking a lot out of her time from the Circle, she was determined to go to Skyhold and figure something out. What she hadn’t wanted to happen upon her arrival at the castle was to have that _demon_ appear right in front of her the moment she had set her things down in the room she claimed. “What do you want, Demon?” She asked cooly, looking at the young man as she crossed his arms over her chest.

“You already know but…I want you to know more. She smiles now. It’s not…real all the time but it is there. And she does laugh now and then. But she doesn’t make those jokes anymore. I miss those jokes.” Cole said before shaking his head and looked at Vivienne levelly. “You won’t be able to make her joke around but I know you can make her smile a bit more real.”

Before she could even raise an eyebrow at the other, he was gone. “Typical of him.” She sighed and mulled over what he said. She couldn’t make her joke around but she could make her smile more real? What in the world could that mean? Sighing again, she turned back to her things and started organizing things a bit again but had to stop when she heard footsteps nearing her. Turning her head slightly, she caught sight of the slender elf herself walking up the short staircase to her alcove. “Well, hello dear. How are you this fine afternoon?”

Caerye smiled politely at the enchanter. “Welcome back, Madam Vivienne. I’m doing fine and yourself?” She asked as she leaned against the railing casually. “You have everything you need?”

“Darling, you of all people can call me Vivienne. Nothing else though.” Vivienne waved at her with a small smile. “But come here. Sit.” She commanded, motioning to her love seat before she sat down and waited for Caerye to seat herself before she started speaking again. “Is there anything I can do for YOU?” 

Surprised at the question, Caerye just stared at the woman. “I…I don’t think there is anything that needs attention from you. I thought you were just here on a friendly visit. Did Fiona get to you already?”

“You’re avoiding my question, my dear.”

There was a small moment of silence before Caerye practically sagged and rubbed at her forehead roughly. “Vivienne, I appreciate your concern but…everyone else is already trying to…to…I don’t even know what they’re trying to do anymore.”

“Help.”

“Pardon?”

“They’re trying to help you.” Vivienne sighed and grabbed Caerye’s hands and held them firmly. “You’re a mess, dear. Everyone sees it. Everyone knows why. And everyone wants to help make you smile again. I’m just the only one who will not tolerate this whole running around in circles thing everyone else is doing about this situation. You have large circles around your eyes. Worse than what they used to be when we were fighting against Corypheus. Your hair is a mess and your clothes are in constant disarray. You need help, my dear. And I’m not sure if you will be able to find it here in this place.” She watched Caerye’s face for a reaction and thought maybe she had crossed a line before she noticed Caerye was merely nodding at her words.

“You are right. I am a mess. I’m trying to come to terms with it. But…telling me this isn’t helping me at all, Vivienne.” Caerye took her hands away from the other woman and stood up, shaking her head slightly. She gave Vivienne a smile. “But at least you were honest with me. It’s nice to finally have someone talk to me honestly.” 

It wasn’t until the woman was out of her sight that Vivienne realized something was wrong. She sprang up from her seat and walked brusquely to where she knew Dorian would be residing. “Dorian. We might have a small problem.” She whispered to avoid anyone else hearing.

Dorian raised an eyebrow at her; surprised she had even come into his little reading area. She rarely left her OWN small area. “Madam de Fer. What do I owe this visit?” He asked, smiling politely at the woman. He wasn’t too fond of her but he knew when to be polite. But the sudden seriousness in her face caught him a bit off guard. He lowered his voice and beckoned her in closer to avoid others prying. “What is it?”

“It’s the Inquisitor. I fear I may have made things worse-“

He stopped her before she could even take another breath, his hand coming up between them swiftly. “What did you do?”

“I was merely honest with her and told her the truth.” Vivienne huffed, staring at his hand as if it was the worst offense made towards her ever. “And she may have taken it a bit too harshly than I would have liked her to.”

“Lovely. Just grand. We’ve spent MONTHS trying to make her smile again. And you are here for less than an hour and you have managed to ruin that very progress.” Dorian was angry now, his voice nearly a hiss towards the woman. “What. Have. You. Done?”

Just as Vivienne was about to defend herself, they felt it. A large wave of magic hit them, nearly knocking them off their feet. And then the scream of anguish hit their ears. 

And Cole was rushing past them. Dorian took off after him and managed to stop the man and hold him in place. “Cole. What is going on?”

“I can’t feel her! She’s gone!” Cole cried. “No clear thoughts. Nightmares are always promised at the end of the day. Can’t handle it anymore. Need to escape. Need to leave. Tell them I love them.” He froze and looked at Dorian, tears running down his face. “She’s gone, Dorian.”

The silence was heavy over them before they all took off towards the Inquisitor’s chambers at full speed. They found her crumpled on the floor. Dorian was the first to get to her and quickly checked for her pulse and breathing. “She’s alive.” He said with a sigh of relief, gently picking her up and carrying her to her bed. “Cole, you said she’s gone?”

“Her mind. I can’t find it. It is too quiet. Gentle fields and crystal clear waters. She’s always so kind and-“ Cole shook his head as he walked around the room quickly. “She’s….Almost here but she doesn’t want to be here. We have to help her.”

“Cole, she might be too far gone for us to help anymore.” Dorian said solemnly, looking down at Caerye sadly. “No. You are strong Caerye. Come back to us. I know you will.” One by one, everyone in the Inner Circle was brought up and spoken to about the situation. 

One by one, everyone slowly broke down when they got back to their rooms.


	10. The End

It was Solas who found her last. And he regretted it. He was wandering the Fade, trying to piece together the lost memories in this area when he found her. She was wandering aimlessly. She looked lost. How was this possible? He was so sure that she wouldn’t be able to contact him. Changing his form so that she wouldn’t recognize him, he made his way over to her. She didn’t acknowledge him and merely continued walking slowly along the path. She was concerning him. As she always did. No. He had to shake that from his mind. He couldn’t keep thinking about her in any way other the Inquisitor, the savior of Thedas. Nothing more than that. Not any longer. 

But the way she was moving. Like she didn’t know what to do with herself. It was concerning. Her gait was awkward, almost hunched. And she looked so cold. Her breath was showing. But this was the Fade, he shouldn’t be able to see her breath. At least not in this area of the Fade. They were in a forest. A forest he remembered from long ago. And apparently, she knew this area as well with how well she was navigating the path and area. 

He was halted in his path when suddenly Caerye stopped and turned to look at her companion walking next to her. She stared at him for a long time before sighing heavily. “I’m not making any deals with you, Demon.” She was tired. He could hear it in her voice and he wanted nothing more than to calm her fears of him being a demon. He wasn’t truly a demon. But maybe he was in some eyes. When he didn’t move, she sighed again and stared at him for a moment longer. “What do you want from me? You’re the first to come up to me since I entered this place.”

He didn’t speak. Nor did she force him to. She just sighed and kept walking, this time keeping pace with him. She spoke to him about lots of things. Things that he hadn’t even heard her speak of while in Skyhold with her. She was being so open. Far too open.

He managed to halt her in her steps by walking up ahead of her and turning around to face her. She stopped and looked at him sadly. “Ir abelas, ma vhenan.” He watched as her face went from confusion to understanding. “Wake up.”

\--  
It was the howling that woke her. What she noticed next was fingers carding through her hair slowly. She blinked and looked around in a slight daze and was surprised to see Dorian sitting beside her on her bed, a book in one hand and his fingers combing through her hair with the other. He looked engrossed in his book and hadn’t seemed to notice that she had woken up. Wait. Woken up? When had she fallen-

“You’re awake. Finally.” Dorian said, his fingers not stopping once but he had turned his head to look at her. He looked exhausted. And more than a little relieved. “You’ve been unconscious for a week, Caerye.” He said softly, sighing. “You should eat something. I was at least able to get you to drink some water but eating, now that is a different task that was not going to work.” He got up and went over to the desk and grabbed a tray before coming back to the bed, sitting back down in his spot. He waited for Caerye to sit up before settling the tray on his lap. “Just eat slowly.”

Caerye was slow to sit up and even slower to grab some fruit off the tray. Her stomach complained from hunger but she was afraid of eating and not being able to hold it down. Nibbling on the fruit she had picked out, she looked around her room and realized with a surprise that there were signs of others having slept up in her chambers as well. “Dorian, what…what happened to me?”

“You don’t remember? That doesn’t bode well. Here, drink some water as well. But again, slowly.” He said firmly, keeping watch over her as she did as he told her to. Satisfied that she had something in her stomach for the time being, he looked at her face and shook his head again. “You…You left us for a bit. Cole said that your mind was gone. We found you up here, collapsed on the floor. Breathing thankfully and your heart was still beating. Good thing that or else I would have had to do something and that would not have ended all that well.”

“I was speaking with Vivienne. I don’t remember what happened though. I just remember speaking with her and then…nothing.” Caerye said, taking another sip from the glass of water as she watched Dorian’s face. She saw the look on his face and stopped drinking from the glass. “Something wrong?”

“You talked in your sleep a lot.” Dorian commented, watching her and noticed the small look of panic on her face. “It was in Elven if that helps clean your mind.” He smiled, teasing her to try and calm her.

It seemed to work and Caerye let out a small sigh and looked around her room again slowly. They returned to a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable and it wasn’t long before Dorian had returned to his book, the sound of the pages turning now and then had helped Caerye relax a bit more.

“I saw him.”

The book hit the bed with a dull sound and Dorian turned to face her quickly. “I’m sorry but I think I might have heard you incorrectly.”

“It…It wasn’t really him but he was there. I…” Caerye took a deep breath and curled her knees up to her chest. She was about to cry and she hated herself for that fact. Her eyes were burning and she wanted nothing more than to let out a scream of frustration and cry her heart out. But Dorian was here and she couldn’t let him see her like this. There was arm that was placed around her shoulders gently and the dam broke quickly. Tears streamed down her face and she started to shake. “He was there! It wasn’t really him but he was there! That…That…THAT BASTARD! He spoke to me! Listened to me rant for what must have been DAYS. DAYS Dorian!” She said angrily, wiping at her face roughly to remove the tears but it only caused fresh ones to take their place. She gave up and threw her hands up angrily. They were caught by Dorian and held onto firmly. Dorian pulled her into his chest and held her firmly. Caerye wasn’t sure how long they stayed like this but she was grateful. “And he left me again.”

“He is a fool.” Dorian said sternly, holding the trembling elf and trying to soothe her by rubbing her arms or back. “He is a fool for thinking he could something like this and have no consequences for it. When he returns or I manage to find him first-“

“I’ve already promised Varric the first punch.”

“Then I will be the first to throw a bit of fire at his face.” The altus quickly responded, hugging her tightly. His tone was angry and Caerye was both amused at the tone and happy that he was angry about what Solas had done.

Caerye managed to calm down after a while and pulled away slightly, much to Dorian’s protest. “I’m fine, Dorian.” She chuckled, wiping at her eyes again. “Thank you.”

“You do not have to thank me, Caerye. I just want what’s best for you. And if that means you are to cry on my shoulder for an hour, then so be it.” Dorian said cheerfully, smiling at her warmly. “I’d say you need to get some rest after that small breakdown but honestly, I don’t think I want you to sleep for a little while for now.”

Laughing, she nodded and ran a hand through her hair before starting to re-braid it. “I don’t know where I would be without you guys. You guys have…been like a clan to me. It means a lot.”

Her words stunned the Vint and she knew it did from the look on his face before he caught up and grinned at her. “Couldn’t ask for a better Keeper.” He watched her fix up her hair and slip out of the bed. “Right. Should probably tell the others that you are alive and well now shouldn’t we?” He got off the bed and slipped on his clothes. He waited for to be fully ready before sticking his arm out to walk with her down to the main hall.

It might take her a long time to get over Solas. She might never get over everything. But at least she knew she had her friends who were there for her and wanted to punch that damned apostate in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you guys enough for reading this   
> <3  
> Thank you all so very much for sticking through this rollercoaster of a fic. It's my first time writing about someone else's character and I hope I did her justice. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr at  
> drabblesallday.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> [Find Me On Tumblr!](http://drabblesallday.tumblr.com/)


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